On top of everything from my past. I have a bad habit of saying anything and everything that comes to mind, to everyone. When I’m comfy it spills. Sometimes annoying people, and occasionally hurting someones feelings because I needed to take ONE MORE SECOND to think about it, not say it. Or say it differently. Also, this everything bit. Includes babbling. I am terrible when it comes to babbling. Babble, babble, babble. Always. I chase people away when I say like a fuck ton. Sometimes they don’t have that kind of time. Why do I still send shit like that? I dunno.
I’m fully aware once I hit send. “Oh shit. That was like a thousand words too many.” I push new people away with my crazy babbling. I wish it was easier to stop, potentially I can just blog it out. What is so absolutely on my mind, maybe typing it all out on here instead of to just ONE person. It’d be less terrible. Also, simply because of who I am. I think about others in the sense that I know they don’t want to read that, yet I still send them a few things they need to know with a fuck ton that they don’t. Should I expect them to care? No. They shouldn’t always have to care. Only certain people in your life will care about all the crazy little things you have to say, but typically. You shouldn’t sound crazy before they can care about you. Then you’re simply crazy, not just sharing your thoughts. And then they’re gone, in the blink of an eye.
This is a problem I’m wanting to work on. Is there a way to talk less. Ha. That sounds like such a strange request. So foreign. Can I just be professional with everyone. Okay. Lets get to the point. Always. To the point. No excess, no explaining, no personal opinion on the matter. None of it. Why?
I wish I knew why that was. I REALLY like talking and I don’t actually like being the person that says nothing all the time. I’m blunt as fuck, and everyone that cares about me knows me as such. Why do I feel the need to speak to those that’ll judge me and tell me I talk too much. Explain too much. That they didn’t need to know ANYTHING other than the answer to the question. Don’t give me a story. It can’t remind you of anything. You can’t add on a side note. No random fact.
Fuck. I just wanna know what to do. Continue to just babble away, losing those that could potentially maybe be okay? I don’t know. My mom talks a lot. I blame her for letting me inherit that gene. Let me tell you my life story when you sell me a box of chocolates. Haha.
Lots of talking. I need to learn the balance, or learn to accept myself as I am even if that means I won’t meet those people, or date that guy, or ever see THAT girl again.
Alright… End of my rant/ babble.