Shrooms and Mental Breakdowns

I have heard about so many amazing trips over the years. As well as a few bad trips. But I hadn’t heard anyone explain much about how it worked. How they felt. Do they remember it fully? Do they get trapped in there thoughts?

I have done shrooms. Three times. I just kept trying because each time was terrible.
My last trip wasn’t as bad as the others. Though my day went smooth. I still hated being trapped in my own mind. Having all those thoughts race. And make me feel so alone and unwanted in this world.
Each time. I was left alone. Feeling ignored.
I may have had my best friends for the last one. But i was stuck in the back of a car without faces. Just trees and snow. Lots of snow.

The others. My ex slept. He just. Slept. As it kicked in for me, he fell asleep. And didn’t wake up even though I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing. Everything. All at once. I was stuck crying. Unable to sleep. Unable to speak. Unable to come back to reality.

I am always stuck in my own thoughts. I should take my headphones out and say hello to every person that smiles my way. Everyone. Stay out of my head. I can’t take it.
I can’t handle being alone.
Tell me it gets easier. 
Can you live with yourself? Truly? I can’t. 😦
I can no longer handle my past suffocating me. Its hard to walk the streets alone. I only want to sit, and stop. Stop living. Stop fighting. Stop crying. Stop feeling all my pain.
I realized tonight.
I swing my left hand. And leave my right still. I need someone to hold it. Walk me through this world.
I need someone.

Thank fucking god.
Brooke called.
Entirely perfect timing. And I love you even more for it.


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