This may be going a tad far. But, I’m sorry.

Does everyone think I’m a fucking idiot?Just curious.

I did in fact read that wrong. Thats my bad. But I literally just got the memo that you believe I am, in fact, stupid. I love you, and I know I’m malnourished, and I know what that means to be malnourished. I’m living it and have been for years.

I need to read more, I know. I don’t know every word known to man, I’m aware. Do I need to feel like a dumbass by everyone? No, I don’t. Does anyone need to be reminded that they are slow at times, for what ever reason.

When I start text talking to everyone, that’s when you can call me a dumbass. I understand what you are saying, but I do not think like you do. Do not make me feel tiny so you can feel big.

Where I am strong, you are weak. Where you are strong, I am weak. Thats how the world works. Don’t undermine everything I do.

I am in fact a good dancer, but I’m not a big booty girl that dances like THAT. But I can hold my own, thank you. I am not in fact the smartest, but I am not a fucking dumbass. I am in fact mature now, maturing more and more each day. Depending on NO ONE. I was never as  immature as you all said I was. And that killed me. 😦

The worst part about it, I knew what she meant, and I answered in a different way than I guess liked. So, I got another smart ass response. I feel like a dumbass, frequently. Yet, I know I’m not. I am fully aware I am not the smartest person on this earth, and I’m not wanting to be, or claiming to be. I just don’t want to be known as the ditz, the idiot, the dumbass in my group. I am not a dumbass, I just prefer not to talk, to most people.

Also, I’m fully aware that I know how to give some damn good advice. I’ve lived through some pain and torture, I have watched those around me fall to there knees from something they could not face. Through pain and tears, I’ve kept my pride in myself. I never let myself get down, I stayed strong on the outside.

When you are told by absolutely everyone that you lack motivation, you are only a C+ student, yet when I get the chance like this, I’m capable of thoughts those around me can’t come to. I choose to keep to myself. Fully aware of what I’m capable of, so, that doesn’t make me the smartest. I’m still not in fact stupid. And I’ll never be okay with being treated as so.

I am like a porcelain doll, I break easily, I hold up okay, but its easy to knock me down, and I’ll just fall deep by myself. Never showing all the chips and cracks.

I just wish I could avoid it, somehow not be looked down upon.

Whether its because of something from my past, the fact that I hated school, or that you believe I don’t know what you’re talking about, or when you believe you are far more mature than me.

I am not an idiot, and I am not so immature I won’t understand. I just think differently than you.

I’m taking a sabbatical from texting, until I can handle receiving a text that makes me feel like a complete and utter DUMBASS.


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