You Have A New Girlfriend

Why do we put ourselves in situations like so, why do we let our heart make all the decisions? Why can’t we see when something is wrong? Why does it have to be so hard to get out of a toxic relationship? Why do we still want those that hurt us so badly? Those that have broken us.

I did not date a cheating scoundrel, I was seeing someone intoxicating. He was my first love, or so I thought. Someone I didn’t want to let go, and up until a couple months ago I still thought he was a decent human being. I no longer have a reason to trust him or enjoy his presence. I am very happy he is no longer in my life, that he is just a memory I may one day forget all about.

Its a terrible experience to lose your virginity, and she thought she had waited for the man she was loved by. I simply didn’t want to wait any longer, I didn’t want to wait to experience it for the first time. I didn’t want to wait for a man I’d been dating for several months, I just wanted my first time to be with him. And since then I’ve come to the conclusion that it was a terrible idea. That I had no idea what it entailed, how much it would hurt, that I wasn’t gonna be able to sit for a week afterwords, that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself for a very long time. That because my experiences with sex were only “Fucking” I don’t know what an orgasm feels like. That I’m so traumatized from my past I sometimes can’t handle the idea of having sex, that it sometimes grosses me out.

I have been broken multiple times, and only just now learning to deal with it.

Thought Catalog

You have a new girlfriend.

I wonder if you will break her, like you broke me.

I don’t hate you anymore. I’m not sad anymore. I’m not upset or angry with you anymore.

It took me four years to finally walk away from you.

That’s how long it took for me to get over you. To realize how toxic you were.  To forget you.

To be whole again.

I’ve never once looked back.

I’m stronger now. I know now that I deserve real, honest love. I will not accept anything less than that. Ever again.

But you still broke me once.

You have a new girlfriend.

I wonder if you take her out to dinner and buy her nice things. I wonder if you treat her with respect. I wonder if you remember to call her back. I wonder if you put her before the drugs.

I wonder if you…

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