Mixed emotions, and events of the day

Today has been eventful, to say the least. I broke a nail, that part means nothing, except that Adora might lose her mind looking at my hands, but when it happened, I didn’t think “Oh shit, I gotta go to the salon, I’m gonna look dreadful.” What came to mind was this, which shocked even me. “I wonder if my mom wouldn’t mind going with me, that sounds kinda nice, just going to a salon.” So, I asked her. I wanted to see my mom again. Maybe my anger has finally been lifted? Or maybe I’m starting to feel better in my own life? Doesn’t matter, its a big step to want her back in my life. I have needed her a few times in the past month, and I’ve asked her to help me, and she did. She went a little over the top to show she cares, but I made sure she didn’t go crazy when she didn’t need to. I can still handle my own, I’ve finally realized how to say no to spending unnecessary money. That felt good, no, please don’t buy me that. I don’t need it, I’ve got these. And my sister confided in me, that they have noticed a change in my person. Since I’ve met Aaron, which means only a recent change they’ve noticed. But, they noticed, I’m growing up. I’m making smarter decisions. I still allow my immaturity to slip at appropriate times, saying totally at work, is not the right time. Haha. So, a firm grip at a relationship with my mother. One day, we’ll be okay. I’ll want to tell her more, I’ll want her to meet Aaron, I’ll want her to go dress shopping with me. One day. Maybe sooner.

Of all days, the day I decide to lift the grudge I’ve been holding entirely, the day I ask to hang out with my mom, the rest of my world kinda got messy.

I’ll be clearing out of my place a bit, and inviting my friend to live there since I’m not using it, it’ll be closer to work and she can help me with Chase. It’ll be good, I won’t be smoking alone there anymore. I’ll have a reason to want to keep the place. I’ll get back to seeing her more often. Gonna be dope since I don’t have to crowd her, it’ll mostly be her pad, with my shit and posters scattered amongst the place…….. We’ll figure it out. Haha. Looks like I’ve got some cleaning to do, at my place and at Aarons so I can move some of my stuff out of her way. We’ll get a system down.

And Aarons world is being tossed around a bit, so everyone’s day just seems to be going…. wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. Absolutely each event has a plus side. But each event is so very devastating.

We will all be okay, today may suck, but tomorrow is another day. We can start over, start fresh, start clean. We can do this. We will figure it all out, and take the next step into our futures. What each event will come out to, I’m unaware, but I’m hoping its all for the best. That my girl will grow and she’ll be the amazing woman, the amazing adult her mother believed she wasn’t. My guy will figure it out, all that he needs to, help his back, his coworkers and his way of life. For me, that I can let go of my anger and resentment, and welcome a good relationship with my mother, and fix my damn nails.


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