Day 8: Describe 3 legitimate fears and explain how they became fears.
1. I’m claustrophobic. I can’t be in tunnels, I can’t be tied up, I can’t be in small or short laundry rooms, I can’t be held down or be inside of boxes.
- When I was little I managed to get put into this toy chest (about 3 ft wide, by 2ft tall, with a 2ft side) and my sister would sit on it and stay there til I was crying hysterically or screaming. I cannot be tied down, held down, fit into tight spaces, and I still panic silently in all tunnels.
2. I’m afraid of haunted houses, haunted parks, anyone dressed up creepy wanting to startle me.
- When I was growing up I loved halloween, I loved haunted houses, I loved scaring people. I was older when it happened. Probably 13 or 14 when we went to Universal Studios and I got left behind in the Van Helsing House when my family went on through without me and never even realized I was missing when I was finally escorted out of the haunted house. I cannot go to Fright Fest anymore, I cannot go in any haunted houses or anywhere with actors ready to jump at me. I stopped being able to go trick or treating. I started turning down invites to go out with friends on Halloween because there was always that one house that had someone waiting for you. And I always ended up in tears. So I gave that up. I cannot be scared or surprised without ending up in tears.
3. I fear I’m letting everyone down, all the time.
- I feel like I have to be perfect. I don’t know how I ended up where I am. How I ended up feeling this way about the world. The way I see it, I feel like I have to serve everyone, I have to make sure everyone I care about is extremely happy with everything that I do for them and when they aren’t happy, I’m extremely unhappy. When I don’t get the approval I’m looking for, I’m left feeling uneasy. I keep trying, I keep thinking, I keep over thinking.. I’m not superman, I’m not Samantha from Bewitched, I don’t have magical powers, I don’t have the perfect body, the perfect 50s housewife mentality, the perfect way to do everything, I don’t have the ability to cook, I don’t know how to do everything. But I feel like I need to. I like to put so much weight on myself. I am supposed to do everything, I am supposed to know how to do everything, I am an idiot if I cannot figure it out. I TEAR myself down before others get the chance. Then when they do disapprove its a thousand times worse and adds to my fear of letting everyone down. This was my life growing up. I was always trying to do what I could for everyone around me once I realized being a good person was better than being bad or lazy and not caring. I did everything I could, every chance I could to prove I was worthy and awesome. And I ended up with a nickname of Trouble. Hows that for approval.
I need approval.
Day 9: Describe 10 Pet Peeves that you have.
1. Bodily Functions anywhere near my face, besides the accidental ones that may occur in the bedroom. No standing farts while I’m sitting behind you. No burping obnoxiously around my face. I don’t want to smell or feel that, ever. Babies don’t count though, obviously.
2. Constantly interrupting me, but getting perturbed if I do it.
3. Talking or joking about rape like its a casual activity we do for fun, like drinking beer.
4. Making me the butt of your jokes, any joke. I take every comment about me too seriously.
5. Smoking cigarettes around me.
6. Single word texts.
7. LOUD BASS, in cars. That shit hurts my ears far too much for that to be an OK thing to do around me, it hurts and its annoying as fuck to only hear the deep BASS. I like music. A lot. Not the deep sounds thumping from your car.
8. Peanut butter, peanuts, eating anything with peanuts in it in an enclosed space makes me want to vomit. I can’t stand the smell. I’m almost thankful I’m allergic.
9. Blatantly stealing. And getting away with it. You suck as a human. You think you’re awesome, but you’re just scum.
10. Constantly being corrected. Ah geez. I know we all know all different kinds of things, but thankfully, I’ve learned not to talk unless I know what I’m talking about. So please don’t correct me, I’m probably right about what I’m actually referring to. Not that you’ll let me explain what the fuck I’m talking about. Its okay. Go ahead, continue explaining why you’re right about a completely different subject than what I was actually talking about. Go ahead. You wouldn’t believe the THOUSANDS of times I’ve just shut the fuck up because someone started to correct me on something completely different than what I was talking about. I have no reason to put my ego first, so I let them have there time to fucking shine and feel awesome.
I bite my fucking tongue. ALL. THE. TIME.
Day 10: If you could live off one food and one beverage for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Three cheese tortellini in Alfredo sauce, do I get sides? My beverage would have to be water though, I like the good stuff. That shit would be delicious til I died.
Day 11: I’ve never been big on reading, so I’ve never been big on quotes. I’ve recently started to read more, and read more famous quotes I’ve enjoyed over the years. Marilyn comes to mind, ” If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Though some claim this quote is only used by the crazy and that you should run, and quickly. Its not. Its the truth to me. I think its true, our friends are a reflection of us, and our significant others must see our ugly sides at some point, and if they can’t handle the worst, its true, they don’t deserve them at their best. If you can’t handle things when they get bad, why would you deserve to be with me? You have to be able to compromise for your love, we are not always having an awesome day, we are human. There will come a time you’ll have to see a side you don’t want to see, and if you can’t be there for me, I can’t be there for you. I relate to Marilyn quite a lot, many of her quotes I find myself thinking or agreeing with.
Day 12: What is your dream job and why?
I never did decide which I might like better, running my own daycare if I had an awesome home with that kind of space, or a spacious rental spot for my daycare. Or a preschool teacher only to come home to my own little ones, I just know I want to be around children for the rest of my life, somehow someway I wish I could make that happen. Surrogacy doesn’t so awful either. I think that’d be an amazing “career” for awhile. I’d love to help bring love and life into someones world that couldn’t carry themselves.
Day 13: Three Confessions of your choice
I want to skip this one. But.
- The idea of giving birth is the scariest thing I have EVER imagined, and I want to be a mother and surrogate for some reason.
- I have EXTREMELY bad balance because of all the hearing loss and gain I’ve had in my life, I also have a terrible sense of direction because of it, probably.
- I think most women are amazing, and I think we are taken for granted far too much.
Woohoo! I’m all caught up. Tomorrow is Day 14, Provide Pictures of 5 Celebrity Crushes, I’m gonna giggle so much posting that one.