Thats it!

I’m throwing my hands up! I still can’t post anything short. I can’t just blog. Its about time I start thinking about actually writing my own book, my own life story. I can’t stop writing, it just keeps triggering more and more, and I need to explain more and more in order for anything to make sense.

 

I wanted to post my inspiration to get out of this depression, to fight my PTSD in a better way because clearly what I’m doing isn’t working. Exercise has helped, marijuana has helped, but getting it off my chest, getting this weight lifted from my shoulders, well, that’d be the greatest thing I could ever do. I’ve carried so much for so long. I can’t keep it bottled, its time for me to share with everyone whats really going on inside this head of mine, what I really feel inside.

 

I follow these amazing women who have gone through something horrible in their own lives, something that brought them down, made them so very unhappy, unable to be around others, unable to see life as worth living, and once they hit there lowest they were done. They all decided at some point they wanted to be happy, and they wanted to love themselves and they wanted to move on. They started blogging, or a You tube channel.

I hadn’t realized who I had chosen til I found their magic words that explained why they got started.

Emily Hart- She saw a 12 yr old innocent, happy boy and went home and made a list of 10 reasons why she’d rather be a 12 year old boy. She recorded herself explaining it, and posted it for the world to see. And thus began 10 reasons why.

Superwoman- She just thought of ideas of how to help someone feel better, all she wanted to do was be the reason someone had a better day. Anyone. So she started blogging and being really silly explaining her views and opinions.

A few bloggers I follow on this site have gone through similar issues that I have, currently fighting the stage of depression I’m in, and some just on the verge of getting out of it. I follow them all in hopes we’ll all be better. I like seeing the videos and seeing they may not always be happy, but for the most part, they actually are. I like reading the posts to connect on a level I’ve never gotten to connect with. Though I have been stressed, though I have been betrayed, though I have been beaten down, I have never been open about my feelings, and when I am someone interrupts me, I am open on paper, I am open online, I am open on my blog. I can finally let out all the pain and hurt I’ve kept inside, and if even one person listens to me, I can feel a tiny ounce of relief. 

But I must continue writing my full story, I fear I’ll never finish, there is just too much hurt I’ve kept to myself. Too much ridiculousness. Its time to let it out. Its time I was finally free of that weight.

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11 thoughts on “Thats it!

  1. When I finally decided I needed to start getting stuff out, I had a couple blog posts that were like novels LOL. But I’m finding it nothing short of therapeutic. I think we all hope that people can relate to what we write and when they do, we know that we’re not the only ones fighting a battle. I think it takes a lot of courage to be able to post on a public blog about our very private lives. Good luck to you 🙂

    • My first few blog posts are extremely long, but my most appreciated and most looked at, though no one checks them out now. They are very therapeutic, and my blog has changed my life drastically over the last few months, but my bad days are still in fact horrible and not worth living through at times. So I have to do something before I end up back tracking and going back to keeping all of my feelings entirely private, and ending up with more suicidal thoughts.

      • Thank you. I’m starting to feel that way. I think writing a book would really help me though. So I’m going to have to get serious about that here pretty soon. I can’t wait til I can go a few weeks without a single trigger, reminder, flashback, epiphany, or new memory I had fully blacked out.

      • Many people that have been published started out writing blogs. If your goal is to write a book, I think this is a great start 🙂

      • Its never been a goal of mine, to write, everyone always said I lacked the ability to write, that it was far from my strong suit. But I always liked writing on topics I had an opinion on. But, I always tested low so I never gave anyone a chance to think more of me.

      • I think it’s wrong for people to discourage others from doing anything. Writing is NEVER a bad thing…so write to your heart’s content! 🙂

      • Plus, if its terrible I’ll just print a single copy so I never have to think about it again. It’ll just be alive somewhere so I don’t have to remember it. I had notebooks throughout HS, all of which happened and was said is now gone because my ex found them and read all of them and asked I destroy them. It was all the pain, all the confessions, all the drama, abuse, and all the fun things that happened throughout.. I now am missing a chunk of my memory because I blacked out all that was in those notebooks til we read through them some and he fought me greatly for being that person once upon a time.
        I wish I still had those books. :/

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