Drowning

When you feel like your struggling to live day to day. Not because the future is chasing you, but because day to day is a struggle within itself.

When that day you can’t bring yourself to talk about your problems, can’t bare to admit you have them. I hide my problems and seem to expect others to just know I’m always upset and just not tear me down. All I need in my life is good. I stand by “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” So I don’t say those mean thoughts that at some point do come to mind, instead, I’m quiet  if I don’t have anything nice to say. I expect that of those I care about, I expect that they’ll want to do the same thing.

Quite a lot of people don’t want to care about others, but if someone is being kind to you, giving you a compliment, deeming you special, don’t blow it off like they mean squat. I think it feels really good to make someone feel good about themselves, and I feel SO much more confidence when I get a compliment from someone. Absolutely every time I receive a compliment it makes my day fantastic, it could have been the shittiest of days many things went wrong, but because someone liked my hair, my purse, my shirt, the way I dance when I walk, my smile, anything at all makes me feel awesome. I wouldn’t trade that feeling for the world. I feed off of positivity and sunshine. Negativity is contagious. If you’re mean to someone, they may just be mean to someone because its fair to them because someone made THEM feel like shit that day. Its a vicious cycle and I don’t approve.

 

I feel like I’m drowning in negativity and depression. I need more compliments, and I need Ana. I’m extremely unhappy, and I’m tired of being unhappy.

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4 thoughts on “Drowning

  1. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. I have my bad days too. Look at things or do things that make you happy on these days…even if you don’t feel like it…xo.

    • Today I made the decision to leave my guy, move in with a good friend for a little while, resign from my job so I can move up to Portland and I won’t have these days so often because I’ll have my best friend, I’ll be away from the city that causes all my triggers and epiphanies. I’m doing what I should’ve done months ago. I’m going to live with the one person that has always supported me, motivated me and been there for me through everything. And her family is now my family. I will get better up there. Its just the biggest change I’ll ever have to make and adjust to….

      • Sometimes making big changes is exactly what we need. Did that myself in January. It’s scary, but also exciting…I look at it as a new beginning…a fresh start. Best of luck to you 🙂

      • Thank you. Thats how I’m trying to see it… I’ll have to see how tonight goes. And then things will only get brighter from here on out.

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