Big 21

I had decided to spoil myself. I had saved up some money, stashing away whatever I didn’t use that week into my piggy bank, had been saving for weeks, something over a month. I had saved just over 100. And I ended up splurging more and spending just over 150. That included 2 full outfits, and sandals for each.

To start my birthday, I had a dentist appointment, a cleaning, and I’d be getting my retainer finally… They found 3 cavities, (I hadn’t had a cavity in over 5 years) needless to say, I was extremely disappointed. And that meant I’d have a drill in my mouth soon enough. They asked me to come back, on my birthday, an hour and a half later. I obliged and asked my dad to go out to lunch sometime after… Until he let me know I’d have a numb mouth, so I rescheduled for the next day, got my toes done and had lunch at Boston Market. Nothing fancy, I just really wanted Boston Market(had been craving it for almost a year) but I barely ate, my stomach is too small especially if I don’t get to smoke before eating.

I got to wear pin stripe high rise shorts, a black crochet bra-let under a coral see through top with these black sandals that look simply darling. I felt awesome. Completely amazing running my few errands, having my new retainer, getting my toes all pretty, and getting my favorite potato salad.

Skipping forward. I’m a lite weight. Like. An EXTREME lite weight.

I drank a mixed beverage, felt pretty drunk, took a walk and smoked a bowl and managed to sober and get hungry for food. Then I got all dolled up. Lisa did my hair and my make up for the most part, and I wore my new leopard print maxi skirt with this black vest and tan sandals. I felt like Robyn in the later years of How I met your Mother, because my hair is so short. I have a semi grown out A line, and its longest length is almost to my shoulders. My hair bounced up in curls, and I felt pretty, I felt really good about myself. And I only got more excited as the night went on, but feeling rushed leaving the house as I realized I forgot to do the one thing I promised them.. The litter box… So I had to clean that up, and so I forgot this necklace my sister gave me. Finally 21 bright pink shot glass. Very Vegas. But it was perfect. It would’ve been perfect and maybe got me more attention.

I felt very… out of place. I was super dressed up, and these bitches were all in short shorts. :/ And the whole place had about 20 people. The majority of which were either the bands groupies, or outside smoking hookah getting away from the terribly loud music inside…

I was served my first drink, the bartender called bullshit on it being my 21st birthday, I should’ve been someplace more filled, or at least been somewhere I could turn heads. No one cared to even check me out. I find it odd I use this to grade my evening, but not even ONE look. Are you serious?

I had no idea what to order. Not a clue. Not a FUCKING THING came to mind. Margarita did later. But I didn’t actually want one. At all.

So I didn’t get to ask for anything, he then whipped me up this double shot thing… Looked like salt on the glass, salt on the lemon. Then I started to drink it. It was like chocolate cake…. Which would be awesome. If I liked the taste of chocolate. It was simply foul.

Got me fucked up though. And it was free… But it was still really, really nasty. My taste buds were angry. I had to ask for some of Sarah’s beverage to get the crap taste out of my mouth. It really did taste spot on like chocolate cake…… I just didn’t want or expect that flavor. I wanted fruity, and had expected super harsh nastyness. It just wasn’t the nasty I had “wanted”

These girls were walking around talking about the specials. Malibu Spice, and Absolute Peach Pit. Sarah got the Absolute Peach Pit, which tasted pretty nice. And I got the Malibu Spice, which didn’t. I don’t like mango or most of the juices Malibu likes to use apparently. And there was no spice like in a Bloody Mary. Did I mention there was only like 20 people? They ended up giving us free chapstick, and free t-shirts. I actually really like my T-shirt… Its currently at Sarah’s though. I left it there.




That was my night. We went and rolled a blunt in my old neighborhood. I got really sick after finally sitting down for the first time at the house. But immediately passed out once I laid back down after getting sick. Slept pretty great, but couldn’t wake up to take lightrail and bus to my dentist appointment. One hour til my appointment I asked my dad for a ride. I was not feeling all too well, sure I was looking at a mini hangover, but as the day went on, I didn’t feel so sick. After the dentist though…. my phone was dying, I was hungry, I was so very awkwardly about to bleed through my pants, and the only way I was getting back to Lisa’s was by taking a bus, two trains, another bus, and walking 2 miles.


It took me 3 hours, or more. I was very, very unhappy. Maybe I’m spoiled. Maybe I felt like I should’ve been more special. Getting that fucking far, on what felt like the beginning of a terrible year….. Was not an accomplishment. I bought booze and strawberries that went bad like the next day. This is what I get for buying items and carrying them in my bag for 2 miles. Poor strawberries.

I’ve still yet to make a smoothie, or daiquiri. Talk about failures. Plans always change. And I still don’t adjust or accept change well.

I’m so indecisive. SO indecisive. Thank you Cody.


21 has not been kind to me. I’m hoping Portland changes that. I’m hoping I can bring it around, make 21 my greatest year ever, somehow. Some way.


I’ve made yet another temporary life changing decision. To make things easier on myself, or at least on my wallet and on my sleep. I need to be able to smoke when I please, and be able to come and go as I please, and be able to spend less. I’m about to make such a HUGE transition. And I can’t seem to make myself save in the place I’m crashing… I love my friends for helping, but they’re not really helping me in any way. And life has only gotten harder. Like tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall be ready to leave the apartment before 6. Gotta walk 2 miles. Get on a bus, and take the bus to light rail. And take light rail to work. Not so awesome.

So, I’m gonna see if I can bring my stress level down, sleep easier, have less nightmares, and smoke a tad more. I’ll be crashing on my parents couch. But I’ll get a ride from light rail, be right by my boss’ office, and I guess its a pretty good thing to have my last few weeks with my family. In hopes it all goes more smoothly.

I smoke marijuana, and I don’t appreciate the rude comments towards my habit.


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