Ana, my love

Today is your birthday, though I am not your mother, I am not your biological sister, I am not your one true love, you are mine. 

This is our year to shine, our year to make Portland our city, our home. This is our time. 


I wish you the best year, I wish you the best life, I wish you peace, humility, respect, and love. You are a loving, caring, considerate and beautiful woman, you can only go higher from here. You will fight for everything you want in life, because that is who you are. A fighter, for the right reasons. A protector.


Ana, baby. You are amazing. 🙂


Today is my last day working in California

You know. I thought I’d be like super fucking excited, maybe its because I got too drunk last night? I dunno, but that’s been happening more lately. WHY CAN’T I BE EXCITED?!?! 😦

When I used to drink and get messed up, I’d ironically wake up feeling wonderful, ready for the day, feeling fresh, feeling hot. Since turning 21 thats changed… I don’t get hangovers yet, but I don’t feel happy, just tired… really tired. And maybe slightly grumpy some days…. You know. Maybe. 😛

Suddenly I feel like being silly, just bare with me.

Last day of work in Sacramento, last day in California, its time to get READY FOR THE WEEKEND!

Ready, ready, READY FOR THE WEEKEND! Image


This week my favorite songs are by Icona Pop, and the song MAGIC by B.O.B.

Ready for the Weekend-Icona Pop

I love it-Icona Pop


Listen, you know you want to. 😀


If you’re like me you love anything that makes you want to jump and dance like no one could ever care. Icona Pop might just be the group I’ve been waiting for. 😀

“They say you’re a freak when you’re having fun, say you must be high when we’re spreading love. But we’re just living life, and we never stop. We got the world.” – We got the World by Icona Pop


Back to business, my last and final day at California Environmental Protection Agency. No meetings to record, only Lunch with my coworkers left to be had. I’ll do my last minute birthday present shopping for my best friend Ana who will be here in LESS THAN 24 HOURS! I am, in fact, ECSTATIC about that.

And I’ll be recording my voice tonight, I’ll be reading a script introducing my fathers band. “Hi, I’m Roxy, nice to see everyone, …. and now, introducing Decades!” In some awesome accent still yet to be determined, this is somehow not a last minute project, but my voice has been all that they’ve been needing for the gigs. I hope it goes well, and I hope they get what they need. I’ll be quite far to get a good recording to them. 😀 I’m excited to finally be Roxy, we’ve created her, and they’ve got gigs lined up, they just need there super upbeat host to introduce them. Why not an alien girl? 😛 I wish I had a picture of her to show you. She’s awesome.

This was not as heart felt as I thought it’d be, I cannot focus on the bittersweet, Icona Pop is playing, I’m simply ready for the weekend……

A little shopping, a little smoking with friends, recording Roxy tonight. -Friday

Breakfast with a former co-worker, another smoke session with old friends, ANA ARRIVES! and then we go to her big family dinner, which is an all day event almost 😀 – Saturday

Sleeping in(hopefully), going out with friends(yet to be determined where…), smoke sessions(lots), then its time to be the DD for Ana’s big night out for her 21st birthday! 🙂 -Sunday

Monday is set for packing all morning, getting my rental, my last breakfast in Sacramento, more packing, and then it will be time to HIT THE ROAD UP NORTH!!!!! OMG. 😀

Like. Fuck. Just…. Fuck.

I’m a busy bee. 🙂 And a stoner. So…. Ha!

Actually, thats not so weird, people think I’m drunk when I’m sober, and super amazingly bubbly and silly when I am drunk, so when I smoke I just become a super chill chick still up for doing anything, and certainly up for eating just about anything. 😀


I’m gonna stop babbling now, I hope your weekend is filled with things you’re excited to do. Don’t be afraid to be excited, its allowed, I promise, no one needs to tell you you’re too excited, you’re not(unless you get like me, then you might be) but the point is, its okay to feel excited, its okay to feel passion, its okay to feel extremely happy about any one thing you’re about to do.

Today is a good day. I hope your day is going just as well. 😀 And please do comment about your day, I’d love to hear YOUR exciting news. 🙂


P.S. I kept doing the thumbs up sign when I typed something I thought was awesome, I’m clearly hyper off of listening to Icona Pop. I’m sure my coworkers love seeing me dance like crazy, while making silly faces……in my chair. 😛

25 Things Everybody Should Try Doing Alone

Thought Catalog

1. Eating with your hands. Be liberated from the responsibility of chores. Fill your hands with food, stand over a sink and shove it all down your throat, finding comfort in the fact that there’ll be zero dishes to do afterwards.

2. Sleeping with your laptop on a regular basis. Watch or listen to things on it until you doze off, and master the art of sharing a bed with an electronic device. Not knocking it to the floor in your sleep, avoiding the hot patches created under it, etc.

3. Cooking complicated meals. Because if things goes awry, only you know just how burnt/awful your attempt turned out, and afterward you have all the say over which fast food joint you’ll end up accepting failure at.

4. Do good deeds while remaining anonymous and without sharing your doings on Facebook. Nothing looks more unauthentic and for show than a

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” I must be fine, because my heart is still beating”

My heart is beating, therefore I am fine.

I’m kinda crazy about YouTube channels. Lately I’ve been going a little bonkers and looking for all types of videos, rants. I prefer to watch vlogs where they get to rant about their lives, their past. Their are far more people out there dealing with similar issues I am, and I’m so grateful the internet can actually bring us together. We shouldn’t ever have to feel like we are alone in any situation, we are never alone.

Though I am not popular, still under 100 followers, I still feel appreciative that anyone wants to read my writing. I think maybe writing might be better for me, my short term memory, my lack of an attention span, and the way my thoughts actually come together would be hard to record and edit to make any kind of good video. I still plan on trying in Portland. 😉

Emma Blackery is the latest blogger I’ve subscribed to. I believe she’s British? Does it matter???

Well, she’s my age, or actually just slightly older by a few months, but she put out a series of videos called: Feel Good 101.

I’ve watched her regular venting videos, but these are different. These are to help those in her situation, the ways she made herself confident in her body, the way she helped herself get out of depression.

Its a line from a song she likes by, I believe, the White Stripes. But it hit me pretty hard, I was reading through a blog, listening and paying attention to her on the other side of my computer screen when she said it, 6 minutes in I heard that line and it made sense. It reminded me of how I got through HS without knowing I was depressed.

Throughout high school, when I was denying my depression, I was always saying to myself, “I live my life with no regrets, I refuse to regret  anything that at one point brought me joy.” I wanted to make sure I wasn’t upset about what was actually happening. I was allowing myself to be used, because I loved the attention. Though saying “No regrets” all the time got me through it, it didn’t really help me accept myself. I wanted to get it as a tattoo, “No Regrets,” until I realized it was my ignorance that led me to believing in it. Suddenly it meant, “I’m gonna do some stupid shit and it’ll be okay, because I got the attention I wanted.” So I’ve spent time trying to find something that will shed light on my future, a saying that gives me hope, makes me feel good about my choices, and makes me feel good about myself.

“Nothing but Blue Skies”

Its written in great songs, its literally the most free feeling I could think of. The memories I have of just laying on my back and looking up into a crystal clear blue sky, nothing but blue skies above me. It doesn’t get any more relaxing for me. Its why I loved swimming, its why I liked backstroke swimming, maybe why I was my best at that stroke… Instead of looking in front of my face or down at the bottom of the pool, I was looking at a few white fluffy clouds in random shapes to make me giggle, and a sky so blue, so true, so beautiful it needed to be taken in.

I have no idea why its so simple, and so fucking beautiful at the same time, but it is. And there isn’t much better than a walk, a run, a swim, or laying under the sun. Its my happiness, its my sunshine, its my hope for this life.


In exactly one week. I will be on the road to Portland. I’ll have just finished packing up all my childhood belongings that I’ll be taking. I’ll be grabbing the last of my things, and what doesn’t fit in the cars, I’m tossing. Should be interesting, downsizing a final time. The good thing is, they don’t have a lot of furniture, so I might be able to keep almost all of my furniture items, and I’m grateful everything I don’t have, she does, and everything they’ve been needing, I’ve always had. We were made to live together from the get go, and just haven’t done it yet. 
I’m VERY excited to be moving in with my best friend. It’ll be weird leaving Sacramento, but I’ll be renting a car for the first time, driving up to Portland for the final time, and I’ll have my baby Chase, I’ll have all that I could ever need/want for the next month or so. And I’ll be killing through my savings over the next couple weeks. It’s gonna be a bitch… Its so expensive to rent a hotel for a night for the bestie, rent a car for 2 days under 25, (not to mention gas and any extra fees, but the reservation has been made! Yay!) and there gas getting up because there car will be heavier since it’s bigger than the one I’m renting. Should be fun, another 12 hour drive up to Portland. Oh, My. I’m just too excited. 

And she’ll be here for her 21st birthday, hence the hotel room, so I’ll be the DD for the lovely couple while we rampage through downtown Sacramento one last time before we leave, and I’ll probably never come back. Leaving my childhood, leaving all that is my past, all of my exes, all of the women that betrayed my trust, all of the backstabbing men, all of the abusers, users, thieves, and liars from my past. I leave them to their lives however they end  up. I leave them behind, so I can start over, start fresh, start my new beginning with my best friend, her man, and our cats.

The only downside…. I’m already a bit boy crazy. Should be a fun adventure, single in Portland.

Dear Parents: Stop Worrying That Your 20-Something Is Lost

Thought Catalog

Here is an open letter to all the parents, aunts and uncles who write to me asking for advice about the twentysomething in their life who is an incorrigible underachiever:

Lighten up! No one should be labeled an underachiever in their twenties! The first thing you should ask yourself is whose standards are you using? This is not the same workplace that existed ten years ago. There are new rules, and you need to stop applying the old rules to someone who has no need for them.

The people who know exactly what they want to do when they are 22 are called, in the land of sociology, “fast starters.” And today that is only 12% of the workforce. In general, these people are conservative, taking paths their parents took, and do not ask a lot of questions. The majority of twentysomethings today move back home with their parents , job hop…

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