I have done a lot of watching, a lot of standing on the outside, and I’ve paid quite a lot of attention to relationships. I LOVE, Love. I’ve seen all the super sappy love movies, I’ve seen the comedy ones too, and I’ve experienced what it means to love. I am no expert, but I like to think I keep a clear head about a lot of sticky situations and can offer some good advice.
I’ve been the one my friends always turned to with their relationship problems, because I can so easily see both sides of the relationship as well as the argument at hand. I’ve always been a mellow person that avoided major fights with anyone, or rather any confrontation with anyone. I like to think its allowed me to keep a clear head when troubles arise.
When it comes to fights with your better half, keeping calm is the best thing you can do, trying to talk it out instead of any yelling. You’re only straining your voice and feeding the fire, so to speak. Calmly, and rationally think about why you are fighting. Is it something stupid? Is it something that could easily tear you apart? Is it even worth putting up a fight? And, did you start it for absolutely no reason.. Did you pick a fight?
Its not worth it, fighting is so aggressive. If you can’t just sit down and talk it out, maybe you ought to think about this. Are you taming or feeding there fire? If you find yourself in more stupid fights. You need to grow up.
You should support your better half, and you should understand them. I know there are actually quite a lot of people out there that love to pick fights, but you’re doing it because you cannot maturely handle the situation. You should not be having the fight. Thats it.
I’d like to try something I saw on “How I met Your Mother.” I love that for Marshall and Lily, arguing is usually pretty calm, and thankfully, private. They have a pause button, and they use it wisely in fights. Long drawn out fights and still being able to enjoy each others company and well being when on “Pause.”
One episode. They were having a terrible fight, and Lily was determining whether she wanted to go to an Art program in SF or stay in NY and marry Marshall. Though she left, the pause button came in handy.
They were on the verge of breaking up, deciding whether or not they would ever see each other. And. Pause button. And she pounced on him like a Cheetah, a pause for the most passionate sex you could have. GREAT use of the pause button. And I will HAVE to try it if I ever actually get in a fight with Aaron.
I don’t pick fights, in fact, when I’m angry, I’m quiet with a touch of attitude til I go off on my own. I like to let my anger turn to sadness til it disappears forever. But, I’ve tried the confrontation, and it works so much better than sulking and letting myself feel hella sad for hours. I prefer to simply discuss what’s up.
An example, because it hit me pretty hard, and I thought I handled it quite beautifully. I found something, something from an ex. For me, I saw how I thought it got there. I saw his ex, throwing her clothes off and getting into bed with MY new guy. * I saw it so clearly it took me a second to want to stand, I just sat in a squat position, seeing it play out in my head, what I did not want to see. I wanted to grab them and light them on fire, no joke. But like usual, I took a breath. I stood up, and I took another breath. Then slowly walked and asked that he remove them.
* I think I have a photographic memory.
Something so simple. SO SIMPLE. Set me off inside. But I do not let my crazy jealous side out, its there, but I’ve never let it out. I have no reason to be jealous of this woman, she was obviously wrong for him, and things did not work out. And if I expect anyone to forgive my past, I must accept that he has one.
I will always remind myself that I need to take a breath when I’m angry, or if I can’t, its time I go outside and scream my lungs out, feels amazing. I shake so much after, but it feels AMAZING. I don’t ever want to scream or yell at anyone, I’ve heard enough arguments over the years, I know anger leads to tears and nothing resolved. You must keep calm, or allow a transfer of passion. Picture them naked, feel that burning sensation, the heat on your cheeks. Allow yourself to love them, like you never have before.
My best advice is keeping calm, keep a cool head, clear your thoughts however you need to. Do not yell and make your other half feel miserable. Wash them with love, bring romance back into your life. Remember why it is you are with them, why you fell for them, and the special way they look at you.
I know for a fact, I love the way Aaron looks at me, and the way he talks to me. I’ll be keeping that in mind. That gaze. That loving, adoring gaze. I can see that he cares for me, and I know fights will be simple for us. They will happen, they will always, EVENTUALLY happen. Its a part of life, we can never get a long 100% of the time. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, forget about something, and freak out more on stressful days. It happens, and not always will you be able to calm down completely. But, are you willing to try? Are you willing to try and just love them for who they are. Let them be when they are grumpy, do not pick a fight because you are grumpy. Cool off, and leave them be if they are simply, grumpy.
Try instead to make them feel better, a back massage, a foot rub, run a hot bubble bath for 2. Something. You must try if you care. Romance, and communication. That’s how I’m living my life, and I’ll continue to tell everyone I know exactly that.
I do not have the perfect relationship, well, right now it feels like I do. But I thought I’d share some insight on how I view relationships. And I’m here for anyone to vent, or if anyone needs a friend to calm them down in a rough spot. I had to share all that I’ve gotten to see, feel, and actually experience. I am a crazy woman, but ya know what? I think we’re all crazy, in our own way. Can you keep it together?
nealr25 